The Recipe for Drama- REVEALED!!!

Hi friends, it's Jane here again, home from a long week of my "day job" and gearing up to tell my story for an upcoming peer review. I was inspired today on the drive home as I realized there are so many things in this life that fit into the six main points I've outlined below. When I write new characters (that somewhat reflect the real characters I've known, who inspire my writing), I have to think about their motivations. And what motivates people more than conflict?

Enter drama. Drama, drama, drama as we say. When it comes to throwing up roadblocks or setting up situations that can't possibly be resolved in a perfect and complete manner, I have to give credit to some people who've crossed my path, over and over. Well, the light bulb's gone on and I have to say, THANKS! I'll know who to avoid whenever I see these warning signs:

Recipe for Drama

1. Inflexible parameters are a must. Make up lots of obstacles, just because you can, and then tell people whom you've chosen to jump when you command it, "If you can't such-and-such at a time that I find convenient/agreeable/whatever, then you are a despicable person!" Use manipulation to keep people around; they'll be miserable, but they'll stick around! (Until they can find an escape, that is.) (I'm thinking of YOU, Patricia! Do you still read this blog?)
2. Spend your energy telling other people about your problems (instead of working on solutions for your problems) in the hopes that these other people will come along and fix your problems for you. BONUS: if they fail, you have someone else to blame. YES! MORE DRAMA!
3. After spending much time complaining about a problem, wonder why it hasn't magically improved. After all that work you did... complaining. 
4. Make other people feel included and useful; what's the point of having a problem if you can't share it with others? Misery loves company. (Someone I knew in Winterville had lots of problems, including a health problem that racked up a lot of hospital bills. She literally came over to my desk one day and dumped her stack of bills on my desk. I told her to take them and put them somewhere else; I already had no money and a townhouse worth 10 cents with a giant sinkhole in the backyard and hadn't been on a date with a decent man since 2006. I didn't need other people's problems hanging around me too!) (Hi there, Suzie! What can I say? YOU MADE THE LIST!)
5. If your problem persists, realize (and name) all of the things wrong with everyone else involved in the situation. Add this to your complaint rotation and repeat often. If it weren't for everyone else's many flaws, you wouldn't even HAVE that problem in the first place!
6. For extra fun, get upset with people who are unable to READ YOUR MIND!

What can I say, friends? I've learned from the best. 

If I ever shoot you a sunshiney smile, shake my head and say, "I'm sorry about that. I don't know what to tell you," chances are you're being just a TAD bit dramatic and need to chill!

Your amiga,

Jane Q. Phoenix

Well, at least I captured enough conflict to affect one reader...

The author of my story belongs to a writing critique group, and a newcomer who had to cancel attending a recent meeting had this to say about the Jane Phoenix story:

Sorry, I couldn't handle reading the story set in Florida. I just recently moved from Florida and I'd like to forget about my entire experience there.

I don't know about you, but this made us laugh. It's ironic that we want to forget about so much that happened during that time, but yet that's what we're writing about it!
Have a happy weekend, friends!
Jane