I think it's the hair

Jane Phoenix started out years ago as a drawing of a superhero. My friend F was an artist and he wanted me to name his latest character, and so I did. The coolest name by far that I could think of was Jane Phoenix. He made a drawing of her that was typical of what a 20-something guy would draw- tiny waist, giant boobs, and cool hair... but the cool hair was short and straight like mine. I could have that cool hair...

Recently I copied her hair as my own: dark bob with short bangs. It seems simple enough, but apparently it drives the boys wild. And as a side benefit, they are boys near my age, not the geezers I was meeting before.

One day after getting the brunette bangs, I was left speechless by a guy working at Moe's. He laid it on so thick that I didn't know how to react. I just stood there and stammered out what I wanted on my tacos, absolutely flustered. What made me laugh, though, was that even though he wasn't my type, I was excited to see that he had to be within a few years of my age. That had never happened before in this town.

Yesterday, while buying pants and shoes at Ross, the guy who checked me out quite literally checked me out. I handed him my stuff, indicated that I'd brought my own bag (tree-hugger) and he said to me, "You are a very beautiful woman."

I mean, what the hell do you say to that? Other than, "thanks!"

So then he goes on to ask me if I have a boyfriend and I said yes I do (the details are sketchy and I barely see him, but this random dude didn't need to know that) and I said, "I'm probably too old for you anyway." To which he told me that he's 30, 5 full years older than the Dude actually, but I didn't say anything.

So the Ross Guy invited me to come back and see him any time, and I just walked out flustered.

I don't know what's going on, but I think it's the hair.

I'm glad the Dude saw my potential and asked me out before I had the hair. That shows real depth.

Happy new year, everyone!

Thanks for tuning in!

Jane

On Expectations

The Buddha teaches us that Expectations lead to Disappointment (Suffering).

After much meditation, I have come to the conclusion that I will be OK regardless of what goes on with my work life because I have acquired wisdom from my previous jobs to know where I will belong as far as what type of work and in what type of environment. The key is to look around with eyes wide open and see things for what they are. After that, there are no big surprises.

I had expectations with the Iceberg. Sure, they were based on things he said and plans he wanted to make with me, but I don't think I really listened to what he was really saying. And my ego got in the way too. Here I'd told everyone that we were in love and he was the guy for me, and we were happy, and then he goes and acts like an ass. How humiliating, on an ego level. What? I wondered to myself. Now I have to go back and tell everyone that all that good stuff didn't happen? Or if it did, it's evaporated now so forget about it ever being that way?

Now I'm sorry, that's embarrassing. I can only imagine what it's like for people who've been married and had kids together to have to announce to their loved ones that they've been abandoned. Ugh. It makes my stuff look like a walk in the park.

Diva and I met a bus driver in Ireland named Maurice. He told us, "Expect nothing and you won't be disappointed." I always loved that quote. So Buddhist, from such a catholic country.

With the Dude, I am holding down expectations on every front. Some friends go wild when you tell them you're dating and assume all kinds of crazy things- start planning wedding stuff and knitting baby booties, that sort of thing. So I say stuff like, "It's not the romance of the century," because it isn't and "I don't see him that often," which is true, I haven't seen him since last Sunday I think. He works a lot.

With family, Big Brother asked me if Dude was coming to Thanksgiving dinner. I said no, he's going to be with his best friend and his friend's family. (I'd offered, but he already had plans). Still, the prospect of bringing a man around to the family has been a BIG Deal in their eyes. So holding down expectations is probably most important in that realm.

But it's my expectations that are the most important in this scenario. At first I wondered why didn't he call every day and do that stuff that I'd been conditioned to expect. I had to wait and see what happened. He did eventually call, and we do like each other, and things are going very slowly but you know what? It's the best course of action for him and me. We're both transplants, unsure of our futures, living in strange places 1 hour from each other, figuring out our lives and neither of us have really "dated" anyone else since early last year... so it's the pace that we've set. Every so often one of us will text the other, I'll write him a note to say call me when you have some free time, the phone will ring and if I'm available we hang out, if I'm not we're not. And whatever we do, it's always fun.

It's not the romance of the century, but it is pretty damn cool. And the less I think about it as far as the future and its potential and what will this person or that person think of him, the better it is for me.

Astral projection v. just a dream?

Whoa!!!

This is what I heard from a psychic when I described my dream from April 23 about Hot Mike and how I jumped off the cliff and then flew to the ground with my pink wings.

Whoa!!!!

I don't know much about it, but it seems to me more that it's the subconscious making things conscious through an experience that someone has in an altered state rather than consciousness actually leaving the body and going to another place. The term "out of body experience" doesn't make sense to me because my body was part of my experience. It felt emotions, felt like it was flying, moved, talked, thought. I couldn't have had that dream without my body (if that makes sense).

I needed to hear the message, "Just find somewhere soft to land" so much that it took an experience like that to make it stick.

Hmmmm...

Also I went to a handwriting analyst, who told me that as Jane, I like to tell stories, am bold and colorful and love attention. My Jane signature is really cool compared to my regular one. It makes sense.

I mean, this was supposed to be a secret blog, but Jane told all kinds of people about it. Why? Because Jane writes about such cool adventures and wants everyone to know about them!

Maybe I need to mosey back into writing creatively, but this time do it as Jane. For whatever reason, the writing I do when I identify with Jane, who is after all a woman who wears go-go boots, has awesome shiny hair, is a bit sassier than any other writing I could do.

It's something to think about...

I'm adding this second part because I met a guy who does dream interpretations. Here's what he said:

In your dream, as you overlook this cliff, you are looking at the possibility of a significant fall in your emotions. Your destiny looks good far off, but the way to get there is almost impossible, even to fathom.

Your spirit guide, as you describe him, then shows up. This is a good description, because in a true way, he does represent your male side of power and strength. It is your choice whether to listen. He wants you to take the plunge, which is not going to be easy. There will be much difficulty along the way.

You agree to go ahead with this drop, but you need him to go with you. In other words, you are willing to take chances in your life, but want that sense of power to accompany you on your way. So off you go!!! You are willing to take the chance of your life with help.

Once you take your chance in life (after it is done), you now begin to look at all of the possible outcomes of your actions - all the 'what-if's'. You need to know now that you have taken the most dangerous chance of your life. But it might be worth it.

You finally find yourself without someone to guide you any longer, but there is good news ahead for you. After taking the chance of your life, you have sprouted pink wings. This means that within your spirit, in that place of love in your heart chakra (pink), you have found the true answer to life's questions of you. If you love, no dilemma can keep you down or away from your truth. Love will be your true answer in your life. And in the end you will land safely in the beauty of all of nature and the universe. For with love, you no longer even need a spirit guide.

You will find happiness, joy and beauty inside your heart and in the love of others...you only have to let go of any fear...

What a great dream...

Ladies and Germs, my idol Mae West

I think it's good to have a personal hero, and nobody ever took on the role of the independent woman quite like Mae West. Here are some quotes that we can all use as words to live by.

It's better to be looked over than overlooked.

A hard man is good to find.

Men are my life, diamonds are my career!

When women go wrong, men go right after them!

When caught between two evils I generally pick the one I've never tried before.

When I'm good, I'm very good. But when I'm bad, I'm better.

Marriage is a great institution. I'm not ready for an institution.

It's not the man in your life that counts. It's the life in your man.

Is that a gun in your pocket or are you just glad to see me?

I believe in censorship. After all, I made a fortune out of it.

I only like two kinds of men: domestic and foreign.

Too much of a good thing is wonderful.

I'm no model lady. A model's just an imitation of the real thing.

Don't marry a man to reform him. That's what reform schools are for.

It's hard to be funny when you have to be clean.

I wrote the story myself. It's all about a girl who lost her reputation but never missed it.

It ain't sin if you crack a few laws now and then, just so long as you don't break any.

Personality is the glitter that sends your little gleam across the footlights and the orchestra pit into that big black space where the audience is.

Good girls go to heaven. Bad girls go everywhere else.

I used to be Snow White, but I drifted.

Ten men waiting for me at the door? Send one of them home, I'm tired.

Sex is an emotion in motion.

I do all my writing in bed; everybody knows I do my best work there.

To err is human, but it feels divine.

Few men know how to kiss well. Fortunately, I've always had time to teach them.

I always save one boyfriend for a rainy day . . . and another in case it doesn't rain.

Why don't you come sometime and see me? I'm home every evening . . . Come up, and I'll tell your fortune.

I freely chose the kind of life I led because I was convinced that a woman has as much right as a man to live the way she does if she does no actual harm to society.

The man I don't like doesn't exist.

I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it.

It isn't what I do, but how I do it. It isn't what I say, but how I say it, and how I look when I do it and say it.

I'm not good and tired, just tired.

Men are easy to get but hard to keep.

Want to laugh?

Diva starts off many conversations with that one phrase. It is an excellent phrase, to be sure, and who doesn't want to laugh? But I digress.

Want to laugh? Yesterday I had the honor of being asked to be a guest columnist for an advice column. The subject: How do I spot an insincere player? How did I let this smooth-talking man impress me, only to find out that he has a wife?

Aw geez, do I ever have the luck attracting just that type- so who better to post the warning signs? I mean, really.

To sum up, my warning signs are:
a) too much confidence. Confidence is attractive, yes, but he has more confidence than you'd expect- because he's already got (at least) one woman in his orbit already.
b) he seems too good to be true. That means- he probably is. He's had lots of practice paying attention to women and lavishing attention on them. What are the chances he'll stop with you?

I'll let you know if it's published, and if so where. I'm using this name (Jane) for the first time ever in print! Now I really feel like I have an alter ego...

Makeover Time!!!

She's a beautician, not a magician, but I think tomorrow's trip to the hair stylist will reap some serious rewards. I told her on the phone the other day that I want to take a risk with the hair- basically, it's time for me to start looking like Jane Q Phoenix already, and I'm not there yet. Jane Q Phoenix has to have sassy hair, knowwhatImean? And I have something very sassy in mind. I'm thinking something like what you see above. Short bangs and a bob. Something that any dude would positively swoon over and come running toward. I have to do something to attract men with their acts together who were born within 6 years of my birth year, because I keep meeting old farts and guys who are barely older than I could have produced with a teen pregnancy. Someday when I get round to dating again, it would be nice to pick among my generation, knowwhatImean? Not baby boomers and not Generation Y or Z.

I can't wait for my new look!!!!

A rainbow, a prediction from an old man who looked like Johnny Cash, and a river otter playing nearby

Today was an interesting day. It started with John and Alice, a couple who are in their eighties who come to the park to swim. Alice is deaf and John is mostly blind. God and Goddess bless him, he looks like a blue-eyed Johnny Cash. He has an air about him that just oozes sweetness. Anyway, he's hard to understand when he talks but he came up to me at the counter today, where I collect money and hand out wristbands and ice cream, and he said to me, "Soon as the sun comes in through your back door, you're going to be in love." And I smiled back and- what do you say to this? didn't say anything, just nodded, and hopefully he saw that.

By this time Alice was out of the water and he went over to her with his towel to help her dry off. It was the sweetest thing to watch. Two people pushing 90, one who can't hear and one who can't see, and they are just so nice to one another. I think that's what people imagine when they visualize growing old with someone else.

I started to imagine the logistics of the sun actually coming in through my back door- I don't think it can, given the direction it faces and the fact that there's a porch in the way- but just the same it was a nice thought and hopefully a true prediction.

Next, there was a river otter who just came up into the swimming area to wow the park guests, catch a fish and eat it. I got to see it swim away and everyone was so excited. I love otters, they are great!

Finally, given the plethora of rain up here in the Rain Forest, I got to see a rainbow. Where did it land, you ask? My house of course. No pot of gold has been located but I'll take what that blue-eyed Johnny Cash guy is predicting instead.