Tuesday, 25 November 2008

On Expectations

The Buddha teaches us that Expectations lead to Disappointment (Suffering).

After much meditation, I have come to the conclusion that I will be OK regardless of what goes on with my work life because I have acquired wisdom from my previous jobs to know where I will belong as far as what type of work and in what type of environment. The key is to look around with eyes wide open and see things for what they are. After that, there are no big surprises.

I had expectations with the Iceberg. Sure, they were based on things he said and plans he wanted to make with me, but I don't think I really listened to what he was really saying. And my ego got in the way too. Here I'd told everyone that we were in love and he was the guy for me, and we were happy, and then he goes and acts like an ass. How humiliating, on an ego level. What? I wondered to myself. Now I have to go back and tell everyone that all that good stuff didn't happen? Or if it did, it's evaporated now so forget about it ever being that way?

Now I'm sorry, that's embarrassing. I can only imagine what it's like for people who've been married and had kids together to have to announce to their loved ones that they've been abandoned. Ugh. It makes my stuff look like a walk in the park.

Diva and I met a bus driver in Ireland named Maurice. He told us, "Expect nothing and you won't be disappointed." I always loved that quote. So Buddhist, from such a catholic country.

With the Dude, I am holding down expectations on every front. Some friends go wild when you tell them you're dating and assume all kinds of crazy things- start planning wedding stuff and knitting baby booties, that sort of thing. So I say stuff like, "It's not the romance of the century," because it isn't and "I don't see him that often," which is true, I haven't seen him since last Sunday I think. He works a lot.

With family, Big Brother asked me if Dude was coming to Thanksgiving dinner. I said no, he's going to be with his best friend and his friend's family. (I'd offered, but he already had plans). Still, the prospect of bringing a man around to the family has been a BIG Deal in their eyes. So holding down expectations is probably most important in that realm.

But it's my expectations that are the most important in this scenario. At first I wondered why didn't he call every day and do that stuff that I'd been conditioned to expect. I had to wait and see what happened. He did eventually call, and we do like each other, and things are going very slowly but you know what? It's the best course of action for him and me. We're both transplants, unsure of our futures, living in strange places 1 hour from each other, figuring out our lives and neither of us have really "dated" anyone else since early last year... so it's the pace that we've set. Every so often one of us will text the other, I'll write him a note to say call me when you have some free time, the phone will ring and if I'm available we hang out, if I'm not we're not. And whatever we do, it's always fun.

It's not the romance of the century, but it is pretty damn cool. And the less I think about it as far as the future and its potential and what will this person or that person think of him, the better it is for me.

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