During the holidays, life seems to go faster than usual. It takes time to get all your greetings and presents together, and there can be stress that goes along with that.
I can't even blame it on the season. Lately, I've been in a rush, and I don't know why. Maybe I need to meditate more. Maybe I need to remind myself that all we really have is right now, and that's why we call it the present. I am not sure what's kept me so focused on "other" lately, but I will tell you what, it is really getting on my nerves.
I have to have these talks with myself, that consist of my super ego (I guess) saying, "Jane, pay attention to the person you are talking to right now! Pay attention to what they are saying. Days will go by and you'll say to yourself that it would be great to talk to this person, but your chance to be with them is right now, so enjoy it, get into it, experience it. Stop thinking about what you have to do next."
I got a phone call from one of my friends whom I hardly ever see or talk to. She is impossible to get on the phone, and yet, there we were, connected in the same space in time. Part of me thought, "I have to get home. I'm hungry. I'm tired and it's freaking cold." Yet, I remembered that I needed to be in that moment, and what could have been a brief conversation turned into a rollicking adventure in hilariousness (as most conversations should). She even confessed to me that she wanted to be a better friend and stay in touch with me better than before, which is awesome because if she would call me back, we'd be in touch a lot more. I sat in my car in the mall parking lot and we got caught up on our lives. It was a good exchange. I'm glad I wasn't dismissive or showed how rushed I felt at the start of it.
I've had to remind myself over and over- as I've sat down to a meal with friends, as I've met up with acquaintances when I'm out shopping or at a party or wherever- that it's time to stop and talk and be together. I don't know why I've felt so hurried inside lately.
The time I've relaxed, though, has been great. Yes, there's been a little bit more rushing around between phone calls and lunches and all the other appointments I've made (and thank goodness you amigas forgive Jane for skipping the makeup and such!). But in all, I've seen and/or talked to so many people lately... and rest assured that Your Jane has tried her darnedest to be there with you in the moment.
Sunday 26 December 2010
Sunday 12 December 2010
Taking out the trash
This weekend, when I got my Xmas decorations out, I was stuck with the mood of clearing out old things. I have to catch this wave when it happens, and I did.
Unknowingly, I had a few reminders around my house of things that reminded me of some people who were/are difficult; people I don't socialize with, work with, or live with anymore. And though it is blustery and cold, and I have a way to walk to dump my trash, I did it.
It feels good. Every once in a while I have to ask myself, Why do I still have this? And if I have no answer, it needs to go. I'm pretty good about donating items that can be reused, but the things I found today were trash. Plain and simple.
Out with the old, in with the new. It's been a great year for the most part and I hope another great one will follow.
Happy holidays, amigas and amigos.
-Jane
Unknowingly, I had a few reminders around my house of things that reminded me of some people who were/are difficult; people I don't socialize with, work with, or live with anymore. And though it is blustery and cold, and I have a way to walk to dump my trash, I did it.
It feels good. Every once in a while I have to ask myself, Why do I still have this? And if I have no answer, it needs to go. I'm pretty good about donating items that can be reused, but the things I found today were trash. Plain and simple.
Out with the old, in with the new. It's been a great year for the most part and I hope another great one will follow.
Happy holidays, amigas and amigos.
-Jane
Friday 10 December 2010
I'd like to give everyone in the world 5 minutes with Hot Mike
Yeah, seriously. That's all anyone would need.
Diva, I've read up on the archangel M before, but thanks for putting it so succinctly. It makes perfect sense- to jump off a cliff and be able to fly is really a good way to sum up the last 2 years. Sometimes Your Jane just needs to be told to take a flying leap!
Hot Mike promised me 3 more dreams, as he's teaching me about the chakras. I've had 4 chakra dreams, which means there are 3 more (7 chakras total). BUT I understand why there's a delay.
Gentle readers (if you do in fact exist), Diva and I are writing some chakra stories. We'll publish an ebook someday, maybe next year. I figure we can copyright it in case it becomes an overnight worldwide sensation, but understanding the odds of that happening, I figure we'll make it cheap or free to Kindle users or whoever. (A side note- actually, I am writing the stories, and Your Diva is providing the witty commentary, which we can all agree is one of her great strengths).
But back to Hot MIke. Mike will come around again to me when it's time.
The thing about Mike is that he personifies courage. He is literally what you need sometimes when you are down and out. I briefly explained my circumstances before my current job to a co-worker the other day- you know, getting dumped by the dude, moving to Winterville, having to leave my job there, and losing most of my money in the stock market WHILE trying to afford a house I couldn't really afford when I was working that lost 1/3 of its value in about 9 months. And he just made this face, like Ugh! I guess that was a bit to explain in one breath. But you know what? Sometimes that is what life dishes out. And when it happens, you are allowed to feel like crap.
But courage- that is my point. Courage is what pulls you out of the morass. And sometimes, you look and look and you can't find it. To quote Madonna, what you need is a big strong hand to lift you to the higher ground. Enter Hot Mike.
Archangel Michael comes in many shapes and guises, although according to Diva's sources he is usually quite handsome (ergo, people listen to his advice. What was that you said, hot guy? Sure, I'll jump off this cliff!)
I wish I could get Mike to visit everyone I know. Even the people I've been burned by- especially them, actually, because they are definitely in the morass. They lash out because they are stuck, and they hate to see others try because they can't try anymore. Imagination eludes them and they can't imagine any other (better) kind of life for themselves. It sucks. I've been there- I know.
It's an amazing feeling to be in the presence of someone like Mike. It just feels awesome, like it's your best friend in the universe who only has love for you. Someone who is above mundane concerns, who is the embodiment of love. We all need someone like that in our lives, or at least our dreams. Some of us try to be that person too.
(Aside: part of me wonders if "morass" is really a word or if I'm thinking of something different. In any case, if it sounds like I'm talking about "more ass," that's very funny, but that's not what I meant!)
(Aside part 2: according to dictionary.com, morass means "a marsh or bog." OK, I can get back on topic now.)
So, to write an equation, Mike = courage = love. If I could classify him as a person, he'd be my favorite person, but he isn't.
When I went on my super-fun friend date with Amigo last month, I told him all about Hot Mike and when I got around to explaining to him that his name was Mike, he just got this look on his face- this knowing, as if to say, of course his name is Mike. Though Amigo hasn't read up on the subject, apparently he's heard some stories about Our Mike.
Very interesting!
-Jane
Diva, I've read up on the archangel M before, but thanks for putting it so succinctly. It makes perfect sense- to jump off a cliff and be able to fly is really a good way to sum up the last 2 years. Sometimes Your Jane just needs to be told to take a flying leap!
Hot Mike promised me 3 more dreams, as he's teaching me about the chakras. I've had 4 chakra dreams, which means there are 3 more (7 chakras total). BUT I understand why there's a delay.
Gentle readers (if you do in fact exist), Diva and I are writing some chakra stories. We'll publish an ebook someday, maybe next year. I figure we can copyright it in case it becomes an overnight worldwide sensation, but understanding the odds of that happening, I figure we'll make it cheap or free to Kindle users or whoever. (A side note- actually, I am writing the stories, and Your Diva is providing the witty commentary, which we can all agree is one of her great strengths).
But back to Hot MIke. Mike will come around again to me when it's time.
The thing about Mike is that he personifies courage. He is literally what you need sometimes when you are down and out. I briefly explained my circumstances before my current job to a co-worker the other day- you know, getting dumped by the dude, moving to Winterville, having to leave my job there, and losing most of my money in the stock market WHILE trying to afford a house I couldn't really afford when I was working that lost 1/3 of its value in about 9 months. And he just made this face, like Ugh! I guess that was a bit to explain in one breath. But you know what? Sometimes that is what life dishes out. And when it happens, you are allowed to feel like crap.
But courage- that is my point. Courage is what pulls you out of the morass. And sometimes, you look and look and you can't find it. To quote Madonna, what you need is a big strong hand to lift you to the higher ground. Enter Hot Mike.
Archangel Michael comes in many shapes and guises, although according to Diva's sources he is usually quite handsome (ergo, people listen to his advice. What was that you said, hot guy? Sure, I'll jump off this cliff!)
I wish I could get Mike to visit everyone I know. Even the people I've been burned by- especially them, actually, because they are definitely in the morass. They lash out because they are stuck, and they hate to see others try because they can't try anymore. Imagination eludes them and they can't imagine any other (better) kind of life for themselves. It sucks. I've been there- I know.
It's an amazing feeling to be in the presence of someone like Mike. It just feels awesome, like it's your best friend in the universe who only has love for you. Someone who is above mundane concerns, who is the embodiment of love. We all need someone like that in our lives, or at least our dreams. Some of us try to be that person too.
(Aside: part of me wonders if "morass" is really a word or if I'm thinking of something different. In any case, if it sounds like I'm talking about "more ass," that's very funny, but that's not what I meant!)
(Aside part 2: according to dictionary.com, morass means "a marsh or bog." OK, I can get back on topic now.)
So, to write an equation, Mike = courage = love. If I could classify him as a person, he'd be my favorite person, but he isn't.
When I went on my super-fun friend date with Amigo last month, I told him all about Hot Mike and when I got around to explaining to him that his name was Mike, he just got this look on his face- this knowing, as if to say, of course his name is Mike. Though Amigo hasn't read up on the subject, apparently he's heard some stories about Our Mike.
Very interesting!
-Jane
Thursday 9 December 2010
Cliff jumping
Last week, in a fit of self-pitying PMS, this Diva took herself to the local little new-agey bookstore, wandering the aisles, just seeing what would grab at me that day. Well, as it turns out, what grabbed me was the voice of a reading going on.
I thought to myself, "oooh, I should get a reading," and things seemed to just fall into place as the lovely lady working at the bookstore just happened to come by to check on me as I had that thought, and told me that the reader had only about 10 minutes left in the current appointment. Well, how convenient! So, I booked the following 1/2 hour and browsed some more.
The reading was interesting, and reinforced some thoughts I'd been having regarding things happening in my life. She also said that I need to study up on the angels and ascended masters that apparently are hovering around me, just waiting for me to tell them what to do! Seeing that I'm not doing such a hot job on my own, I decided to take her up on that, and, after the reading, picked up a couple of things on angels and ascended masters and started reading up.
However, as I read, my dear Jane popped into mind. Remember her dream with that hot guy Mike telling her to jump off a cliff and she did? And everything was OK? Yeah, that dream!! Anyways, I was reading about the Archangel Michael, and it hit me that this might be the guy that came to her in the dream. The book I have says this of Michael, "His chief function is to rid the earth and its inhabitants of the toxins associated with fear," "...extremely tall and handsome...." and, "Michael guides and directs those who feel lost, or stuck with respect to thier life's purpose or career path. He can stimulate the unmotivated or fearful into action. Michael also provides clear guidance about which step to take next."
Now, dear readers, if that doesn't describe Jane's Mike, I don't know what does! I do know that it certainly fits what she was going through at the time-feeling stuck in a hell-hole with no way out (I mean, really, think about it-jumping off a cliff was actually an option she took in the dream! And while I understand it was metaphoric, still!!)
Was she more than a teensy bit fearful? Most probably. And what did she do? She meditated. And asked for some help. And who shows up? Mr. Hotty himself to tell her to jump.
Just go for it. Do it.
Today I was chatting with an old schoolmate, who also feels stuck. She has a lot of talent, but, like many of us, has been struggling just to make it. And talking to her, she admitted that she's scared of making a mistake-of making the wrong move. However, as I asked her, which is worse, making a mistake or doing nothing? That's a lesson I could use myself. Easy for me to give others ideas about how to get a step ahead and then not do it myself.
Jane, can I borrow Mike to give me a quick inspiration to jump off a cliff somewhere??
-Yours,
Diva
Wednesday 8 December 2010
Hatred can only cease by love...
Hatred cannot cease by hatred.
Hatred can only cease by love.
This is an eternal law.
-Buddha
Metta meditation emphasizes that some of the practices that are accepted in other belief systems are really not good for us. Guilt, for example, is a form of self-hatred that doesn't allow you to move forward. Forgiving yourself, and asking forgiveness from others, is really the way to go. Holding guilt inside does no one any good. I recognized early in life that guilt was something I didn't want in my life; however, my upbringing kept bringing it around, as if it belonged in my life. Oof. I notice that the religion that clings to guilt the most, Judaism, spawns the most Buddhism book authors, which cracks me up.
Hatred can only cease by love.
This is an eternal law.
-Buddha
Metta meditation emphasizes that some of the practices that are accepted in other belief systems are really not good for us. Guilt, for example, is a form of self-hatred that doesn't allow you to move forward. Forgiving yourself, and asking forgiveness from others, is really the way to go. Holding guilt inside does no one any good. I recognized early in life that guilt was something I didn't want in my life; however, my upbringing kept bringing it around, as if it belonged in my life. Oof. I notice that the religion that clings to guilt the most, Judaism, spawns the most Buddhism book authors, which cracks me up.
Sunday 5 December 2010
Somehow, understanding why someone behaves like a total ass helps you not hold a grudge against him or her
I once dated a guy who was very controlling, judgmental, and extraordinarily inflexible. He was constantly around me (my electric and grocery bills were sky-high when he and I started dating, since he'd stay at my place all the time). Perhaps as a result of his ivy league education, he was quite certain he knew everything- and as his girlfriend, well, I'd better just agree with him. Couldn't we just agree to defer to his superior knowledge? he wondered aloud and often. I went from thinking he was a fun, charming guy, to an insecure blowhard who wouldn't leave me alone for 10 minutes in the course of about 6 months.
It was a grueling time in my life. All I could focus on was how difficult he was, how hard it was to deal with him. That is what makes sense, after all; when you're in a situation where the house is on fire, you don't organize your recipe box- you put out the fire. There was always something new to come along and interfere with my peace of mind. I told myself that was the price of being in a serious relationship; that if I wanted peace, I'd be by myself (and let's just say that that was my #1 fantasy at the time- to be alone again). His deep insecurity was at the root of his behavior, and on some level I knew this; that, plus his controlling tendencies, made me reluctant to break up with him. After all, breaking up with a guy like that has to be presented to him in such a way that it's his idea.
With my meditation practice, which I do often, I am reminded of the core, basic goodness in others. It allows me to realize that there is a trigger for some pretty bad behavior, and sometimes I can get to the root of it. This doesn't mean that the things that were done are all of a sudden fine with me, and that I'm not (or wasn't) hurt after all. Not even close. People can do terrible things to others, things for which there are no excuses. Getting to the core of this, though, is good from the perspective of someone who needs to forgive and move on without a grudge. Sometimes, a light bulb will go on when I least expect it.
Jabberwocky (that is his name, don't wear it out) came from a family that looked pretty awesome on the outside. They were clean-cut, respectable, hard-working people; his parents were an American success story, and his siblings were all good-looking, healthy, and worked/ studied hard. At first glance, everyone seemed so well-adjusted, but it didn't take long to figure out that Jabby's tendency to drink too much but then insist he was perfectly capable of driving came directly from his dad. His dad was a hard-working man who'd worked his way up to a large salary in the finance industry and had that old white man baby-boomer air about him that, sorry boomers, made him seem like a giant blowhard. Everything's me me me, look at me I'm so successful, here I am throwing around money because I can, because I have it. Look at me, everyone! For I am the king!
This king invited us out to big, lavish meals, drank too much wine, and then drove his wife and daughters home. They didn't look thrilled about it, but they couldn't question it either. Jabby, who was only a sheet and a half to the wind, drove me home (where he'd stay too long, true to form...). He always drove.
Needless to say, I had to get away from this situation, and I had to trick him into thinking it was his idea. Maybe he needed to act on the fact that he put me down so often. Maybe I should convince him that, like he's been saying for a while, I'm "just not good enough" for some ivy league prince.
It's been 7 years since we broke up. It was a great time in my life afterward: I felt free, I turned 30, I had a lot of support from friends. After that, I went to school and changed careers. In a way, that experience made me work harder to become the person I wanted to be- because I knew what it was like to be so limited.
Jabberwocky is controlled by fear, perhaps not any more, but if that isn't so I'd be surprised. His parents were extremely controlling and judgmental and guess what? That got passed on to him. For all I know, he wanted to stay that charming, fun person who could laugh easily, make jokes, and roll with the punches that life pulls, but he couldn't do it. He was always so worried about how he would look or be judged. He always had to be the prince, heir to the throne, so that the king would look on him with favor- never mind how screwed up the king was.
I think about this in terms of the boys in my life and their fathers. I am proud to say that the young boys I know being raised right now have good male (and female) role models for the most part.
It also opened up a world of compassion in me, to think about this person and the hand he'd been dealt.
Life is all about choices. If you don't want to end up in a situation, don't take the bait. That's what it boils down to.
I could have had a cushy, rich life with a condescending and drunk husband. This is why I smile when people ask me why I'm not married. Some people feel sorry for me, but I don't think they understand what being married at a younger age would have been like for me. I too would have felt like a big fat phony, constantly scrutinized and never good enough, both within my marriage and his family; and with what I have to start with, I couldn't take that on. Nope.
I'm sure I said I wished him well years ago, but I finally mean it now. The light bulb went on and now I understand. We dated each other in the first place because we both knew what that negativity in our lives was like. The split had to happen, though, when we couldn't bond over it.
He's probably some bloated blowhard in the financial industry by now. I don't know, as he's not someone I would seek out, but it's what I suspect. I heard that he married a woman from a culture that is known for submissive women. That's got to be a better fit than Your Jane (sadly).
Somehow, understanding why someone behaves like a total ass helps you not hold a grudge against him or her. In Buddhism, they teach that you suffer when the person who caused the grudge is long gone, but you still have the grudge- and that's not healthy.
Be well, my amigas and amigos, and have a wonderful week.
Yours,
Jane Q. Phoenix
It was a grueling time in my life. All I could focus on was how difficult he was, how hard it was to deal with him. That is what makes sense, after all; when you're in a situation where the house is on fire, you don't organize your recipe box- you put out the fire. There was always something new to come along and interfere with my peace of mind. I told myself that was the price of being in a serious relationship; that if I wanted peace, I'd be by myself (and let's just say that that was my #1 fantasy at the time- to be alone again). His deep insecurity was at the root of his behavior, and on some level I knew this; that, plus his controlling tendencies, made me reluctant to break up with him. After all, breaking up with a guy like that has to be presented to him in such a way that it's his idea.
With my meditation practice, which I do often, I am reminded of the core, basic goodness in others. It allows me to realize that there is a trigger for some pretty bad behavior, and sometimes I can get to the root of it. This doesn't mean that the things that were done are all of a sudden fine with me, and that I'm not (or wasn't) hurt after all. Not even close. People can do terrible things to others, things for which there are no excuses. Getting to the core of this, though, is good from the perspective of someone who needs to forgive and move on without a grudge. Sometimes, a light bulb will go on when I least expect it.
Jabberwocky (that is his name, don't wear it out) came from a family that looked pretty awesome on the outside. They were clean-cut, respectable, hard-working people; his parents were an American success story, and his siblings were all good-looking, healthy, and worked/ studied hard. At first glance, everyone seemed so well-adjusted, but it didn't take long to figure out that Jabby's tendency to drink too much but then insist he was perfectly capable of driving came directly from his dad. His dad was a hard-working man who'd worked his way up to a large salary in the finance industry and had that old white man baby-boomer air about him that, sorry boomers, made him seem like a giant blowhard. Everything's me me me, look at me I'm so successful, here I am throwing around money because I can, because I have it. Look at me, everyone! For I am the king!
This king invited us out to big, lavish meals, drank too much wine, and then drove his wife and daughters home. They didn't look thrilled about it, but they couldn't question it either. Jabby, who was only a sheet and a half to the wind, drove me home (where he'd stay too long, true to form...). He always drove.
Needless to say, I had to get away from this situation, and I had to trick him into thinking it was his idea. Maybe he needed to act on the fact that he put me down so often. Maybe I should convince him that, like he's been saying for a while, I'm "just not good enough" for some ivy league prince.
It's been 7 years since we broke up. It was a great time in my life afterward: I felt free, I turned 30, I had a lot of support from friends. After that, I went to school and changed careers. In a way, that experience made me work harder to become the person I wanted to be- because I knew what it was like to be so limited.
Jabberwocky is controlled by fear, perhaps not any more, but if that isn't so I'd be surprised. His parents were extremely controlling and judgmental and guess what? That got passed on to him. For all I know, he wanted to stay that charming, fun person who could laugh easily, make jokes, and roll with the punches that life pulls, but he couldn't do it. He was always so worried about how he would look or be judged. He always had to be the prince, heir to the throne, so that the king would look on him with favor- never mind how screwed up the king was.
I think about this in terms of the boys in my life and their fathers. I am proud to say that the young boys I know being raised right now have good male (and female) role models for the most part.
It also opened up a world of compassion in me, to think about this person and the hand he'd been dealt.
Life is all about choices. If you don't want to end up in a situation, don't take the bait. That's what it boils down to.
I could have had a cushy, rich life with a condescending and drunk husband. This is why I smile when people ask me why I'm not married. Some people feel sorry for me, but I don't think they understand what being married at a younger age would have been like for me. I too would have felt like a big fat phony, constantly scrutinized and never good enough, both within my marriage and his family; and with what I have to start with, I couldn't take that on. Nope.
I'm sure I said I wished him well years ago, but I finally mean it now. The light bulb went on and now I understand. We dated each other in the first place because we both knew what that negativity in our lives was like. The split had to happen, though, when we couldn't bond over it.
He's probably some bloated blowhard in the financial industry by now. I don't know, as he's not someone I would seek out, but it's what I suspect. I heard that he married a woman from a culture that is known for submissive women. That's got to be a better fit than Your Jane (sadly).
Somehow, understanding why someone behaves like a total ass helps you not hold a grudge against him or her. In Buddhism, they teach that you suffer when the person who caused the grudge is long gone, but you still have the grudge- and that's not healthy.
Be well, my amigas and amigos, and have a wonderful week.
Yours,
Jane Q. Phoenix
Friday 3 December 2010
Dream- Jane's Jailbreak
Last night I dreamed that I was held captive by a bad guy. There's really no good way to describe him, other than that he was nasty and mean and extremely negative. He was full of mean things to say and not shy about sharing his belittling attitude toward Your Jane. (The nerve of him! I know).
So I go through this dialogue in my mind, where I decide that if I run away and he shoots me, it's better than staying there. I am not sure if we had dialogue out loud, back and forth, but I know that I've got to get away.
I see an opening to run out of the building (I think it was a house) and I get out. I don't have time to see if the mean guy or his hench people see me leave. I duck out of sight, crawl along the floor, and get out the door.
There's blood on my shirt. It's been there since I was in the house. I don't know if he shot at me, or cut me, or hurt me in some other way, but I look like a mess.
Outside, it's a typical suburban neighborhood. There are 2 women taking a walk together and talking- both overweight, both white, and they seem friendly. I run up to them and ask for help, and they respond with, "Of course! Oh my god, look at you! Let's get you out of here!" They act as you'd want someone to act, if you were ever running away from a bad guy.
That's all I remember from the dream. Its meaning is pretty obvious, but at first I was disturbed by the imagery. Bad= male and good= female? That's not how I see the world, although interestingly (based on a conversation with a coworker recently), I tend to feel better about my job when there are more women in charge. In past situations, when men were 90% of management, I'd never really feel comfortable. Now, things are more balanced, and I am at ease with that.
Diva said that the bad guy reminded me of someone I used to work for, and I immediately agreed. Interesting...
So I go through this dialogue in my mind, where I decide that if I run away and he shoots me, it's better than staying there. I am not sure if we had dialogue out loud, back and forth, but I know that I've got to get away.
I see an opening to run out of the building (I think it was a house) and I get out. I don't have time to see if the mean guy or his hench people see me leave. I duck out of sight, crawl along the floor, and get out the door.
There's blood on my shirt. It's been there since I was in the house. I don't know if he shot at me, or cut me, or hurt me in some other way, but I look like a mess.
Outside, it's a typical suburban neighborhood. There are 2 women taking a walk together and talking- both overweight, both white, and they seem friendly. I run up to them and ask for help, and they respond with, "Of course! Oh my god, look at you! Let's get you out of here!" They act as you'd want someone to act, if you were ever running away from a bad guy.
That's all I remember from the dream. Its meaning is pretty obvious, but at first I was disturbed by the imagery. Bad= male and good= female? That's not how I see the world, although interestingly (based on a conversation with a coworker recently), I tend to feel better about my job when there are more women in charge. In past situations, when men were 90% of management, I'd never really feel comfortable. Now, things are more balanced, and I am at ease with that.
Diva said that the bad guy reminded me of someone I used to work for, and I immediately agreed. Interesting...
Sunday 21 November 2010
Accept it and move on...
Hi amigas and amigos, it's Jane here. This weekend I was with Diva and another friend (let's call her Felicity unless she asks me to change it to something else- sorry, darling, I forgot to ask you if there's a name you'd prefer) and among the many topics we discussed, from beach haunts to work to fortune readings, etc., I noticed that I've reached a point where I don't want to hear trash talk about my exes. Yes, me. I've come a long way, baby. I just told them, Let's not discuss Timothy the Elder. It's just not something that should be rehashed...
Diva is not pleased with Timothy the Elder. That is for sure and for certain. Yes, he was extraordinarily lazy. Yes, I did wonder if any guy would be capable of picking up the phone and calling a woman after about 4 months with him... but honestly, there were some good points, too. There was the companionship, the conversations, the hikes in the woods, the dinners we'd make (or that he'd make- I'll forgive laziness to an extent as long as the laziness does not interfere with a man's ability to cook for me).
My point is, it wasn't wasted time. I learned something from it and moved on from it, and am thankful for the lessons I learned. I don't know that I could have learned them much quicker, as I have this tendency to give people the benefit of the doubt (and to make excuses for them, which is a habit I am aware of and need to quit). AND I know that a great show of loyalty (and who could be more loyal than La Diva?) is to denounce people like Timothy the Elder, who come into my life and do not have staying power. What I feel about the situation, though, is that the best thing to do is to accept it and move on.
However, Diva, your well-aimed barbs are very amusing... and we love the drama you bring to a situation! You have given me endless suggestions of amusing things to say to the guy should he ever call (which, as time goes by, seems less and less likely).
Sometimes you can be in a situation that puts you into a time and place where a new linkage to a new opportunity comes along, and while the new situation doesn't completely make up for the former one, it still gets you there. The first situation may not be ideal, but it's where you needed to be to get to the next stop on the journey. When you look back on your life, sometimes the things that seemed terrible turn out to be blessings that led you to something far better than what you were aiming for to begin with. You just never know.
Have a great week, everyone!
Jane
Diva is not pleased with Timothy the Elder. That is for sure and for certain. Yes, he was extraordinarily lazy. Yes, I did wonder if any guy would be capable of picking up the phone and calling a woman after about 4 months with him... but honestly, there were some good points, too. There was the companionship, the conversations, the hikes in the woods, the dinners we'd make (or that he'd make- I'll forgive laziness to an extent as long as the laziness does not interfere with a man's ability to cook for me).
My point is, it wasn't wasted time. I learned something from it and moved on from it, and am thankful for the lessons I learned. I don't know that I could have learned them much quicker, as I have this tendency to give people the benefit of the doubt (and to make excuses for them, which is a habit I am aware of and need to quit). AND I know that a great show of loyalty (and who could be more loyal than La Diva?) is to denounce people like Timothy the Elder, who come into my life and do not have staying power. What I feel about the situation, though, is that the best thing to do is to accept it and move on.
However, Diva, your well-aimed barbs are very amusing... and we love the drama you bring to a situation! You have given me endless suggestions of amusing things to say to the guy should he ever call (which, as time goes by, seems less and less likely).
Sometimes you can be in a situation that puts you into a time and place where a new linkage to a new opportunity comes along, and while the new situation doesn't completely make up for the former one, it still gets you there. The first situation may not be ideal, but it's where you needed to be to get to the next stop on the journey. When you look back on your life, sometimes the things that seemed terrible turn out to be blessings that led you to something far better than what you were aiming for to begin with. You just never know.
Have a great week, everyone!
Jane
Friday 19 November 2010
Yes, it is my goal to love every being on this planet. However, that does not mean I want a front-row seat for a train wreck
Every so often, someone enters my life who seems down on their luck, and being a compassionate amiga, I'll take them out, show them around, make them laugh, and do my part to lift their spirits. I feel like it's good karma, and sometimes our relationship will grow into a friendship, sometimes we'll remain affectionate acquaintances... and sometimes I'll feel like I've gained an extra appendage, because now this person desires constant attention from me, and since I don't have infinite patience, will resort to misbehaving just to get some reaction out of me (lest they lose their audience! Perish the thought!)
Take where I live. Please take it! Ha ha. I mean, I live in a state where once you hit about 25 years old, you don't have a lot of dating options. The pickings are pretty slim, if you know what I mean. I've met a lot of women who have just given up on the whole thing, but I can say, after having researched this situation for the past few years... well, it's not life in the college dorms, but it's not the worst. Why, in barren area alone, I have dated a scuba instructor, science nerd, botanist, and guy who defies description within the past two years. I refuse to be all doom and gloom about it. I'm going to go out and have fun and enjoy my life and meet guys along the way like I always have. Every day is a winding road.
However, I used to know (used to know being the operative phrase) some women who harp on the statistics and say that they are doomed, and that they will never meet anyone to date here... and they complain, and they hang around with other women, and they make no effort at all, and they get pissed off at me for going on dates (because I make an effort) and.... well, those people aren't my friends anymore. If you can't be happy for someone for having a date once in a while, then you're not her friend.
It goes well beyond dating and relating to the same sex- it's how we relate to everything. Truly, it's the space in which you can tell if a person is happy for you when you do well and wants to bring up up when you're down (as opposed to loving it when you are down, because that person is down too and now he/she will have company).
I have met several people in the last few years or so who I would consider to be sad sacks. Yes, that isn't the most flattering phrase, but these people have earned it. Rather than being independent and taking care of their own business and loving themselves and doing right by themselves and others to the best of their abilities, they like to lean on others, make excuses for themselves, blame their problems on other people, blow up my cell phones with reports of their drama, whine helplessly, bitch purposefully and generally act as a bring-down to any social occasion.
Well, this is why I wears boots- because sometimes you need to walk away, and sometimes you need to give someone the boot.
Yes, we are all here to figure out how to get along, to love and be loved, to enjoy life and work hard. Absolutely, these are the things that life is all about, and it's important to be tolerant- but there is a line to draw when it comes to people like I've described. It is one thing to be down on your luck, but quite another to be a sad sack.
The rewards of repelling such individuals are endless. You'll get phone calls you actually want to answer, have brilliant conversations that involve more than one person talking, and will enjoy a general feeling of ease. Sometimes this is hard to come by, but the wait is worth it.
Take where I live. Please take it! Ha ha. I mean, I live in a state where once you hit about 25 years old, you don't have a lot of dating options. The pickings are pretty slim, if you know what I mean. I've met a lot of women who have just given up on the whole thing, but I can say, after having researched this situation for the past few years... well, it's not life in the college dorms, but it's not the worst. Why, in barren area alone, I have dated a scuba instructor, science nerd, botanist, and guy who defies description within the past two years. I refuse to be all doom and gloom about it. I'm going to go out and have fun and enjoy my life and meet guys along the way like I always have. Every day is a winding road.
However, I used to know (used to know being the operative phrase) some women who harp on the statistics and say that they are doomed, and that they will never meet anyone to date here... and they complain, and they hang around with other women, and they make no effort at all, and they get pissed off at me for going on dates (because I make an effort) and.... well, those people aren't my friends anymore. If you can't be happy for someone for having a date once in a while, then you're not her friend.
It goes well beyond dating and relating to the same sex- it's how we relate to everything. Truly, it's the space in which you can tell if a person is happy for you when you do well and wants to bring up up when you're down (as opposed to loving it when you are down, because that person is down too and now he/she will have company).
I have met several people in the last few years or so who I would consider to be sad sacks. Yes, that isn't the most flattering phrase, but these people have earned it. Rather than being independent and taking care of their own business and loving themselves and doing right by themselves and others to the best of their abilities, they like to lean on others, make excuses for themselves, blame their problems on other people, blow up my cell phones with reports of their drama, whine helplessly, bitch purposefully and generally act as a bring-down to any social occasion.
Well, this is why I wears boots- because sometimes you need to walk away, and sometimes you need to give someone the boot.
Yes, we are all here to figure out how to get along, to love and be loved, to enjoy life and work hard. Absolutely, these are the things that life is all about, and it's important to be tolerant- but there is a line to draw when it comes to people like I've described. It is one thing to be down on your luck, but quite another to be a sad sack.
The rewards of repelling such individuals are endless. You'll get phone calls you actually want to answer, have brilliant conversations that involve more than one person talking, and will enjoy a general feeling of ease. Sometimes this is hard to come by, but the wait is worth it.
Fool Moon Dreaming
It's almost fool moon (ok, that should read full moon, but fool moon works just as well...) and as has been happening to me quite frequently in the past few months, some rather interesting dreams visit me as the moon waxes to foolness. Usually, these dreams have some relevance to things happening in my daily life (the people, places etc) even as they take on a surreal aspect.
PS from Jane: Diva mentioned that there were Jewish people in the dream, and for them to be united with Christians in a meaningful way is a good thing. This sounds like a beautiful dream; I wish I could have seen it. There's something mystical about dreams like this. It can seem like you're with all your best friends, and they all seem familiar, even though maybe you've never met them in your waking life. Singing is a symbol of happiness, much like flying.
I, on the other hand, may be preparing for a death in my family. Sometimes people who are in between life and death appear in my dreams. (Years ago, my uncle would appear in my dreams when he was hospitalized. I woke up from one dream knowing that he would be gone soon, and he was). Now, it is my grandfather. He'll just appear, and I'll put my arm around him like I always do and we'll talk about whatever- just like in real life. I am comforted that I will see him in my dreams after he's gone, but it will be a tough transition nevertheless. Still, if this is a warning, I should be grateful for it and prepare myself as well as I can.
Yours,
Jane
Last night? A little bit different. I found myself somewhere unfamiliar, in a throng of people. It was a bit overwhelming to be in the middle of all these people, this crowd, but it was different. Nobody was pushing or shoving, the sun was nice and bright and the general mood was one of anticipation. I was inside this area with marble floors and colonnades and there was a balustrade, overlooking a courtyard (although it was on the same level instead of higher up or second floor) and even out there, tons of people were waiting. It might have been the Vatican, and then again, it wasn't. And then? Then the pope arrived. Yes, the pope. Except in my dream it was Pope John Paul II, not the current Pope Benedict.
(Tangent)Now, I cannot quite grasp why on earth I'd be dreaming of the pope, even though I was raised as a Catholic, my family was never one to attend church on a regular basis (or even irregular at that...) We just didn't go. I tried it a few times and I will admit to having some positive experiences, when the meditative aspect of ritual was stronger than the more common aspect of dogma and bullshit. However, the negative experiences outweighed the positive and I stopped going. And it's been years. And I haven't missed it a bit. Not even a teensy weenie bit. I'll leave it at that. So, for Pope John Paul II to pop up in my dreams is rather bizarre. (End Tangent.)
So, el Papa himself walked right by me, paused, and looked right at me as he walked to the balustrade...and yet, it wasn't about him. Because for some reason, we were all in this together and then everyone started singing "One Day" by Matisyahu. And we were all singing this amazing song. And that was it. That was my dream. And I woke up. As is usual in these fool moon dreams, I woke feeling completely perplexed, as in WTF perplexed. I phoned my dear Jane who had an interesting spin on this dream, that everyone was there together, in peace and what a fabulous dream. Ok. I can see that, although I'm not sure what meaning it might have in my life right now (and being the Diva, it is all about me, of course!)
If you've never heard the song before, here it is for you...
PS from Jane: Diva mentioned that there were Jewish people in the dream, and for them to be united with Christians in a meaningful way is a good thing. This sounds like a beautiful dream; I wish I could have seen it. There's something mystical about dreams like this. It can seem like you're with all your best friends, and they all seem familiar, even though maybe you've never met them in your waking life. Singing is a symbol of happiness, much like flying.
I, on the other hand, may be preparing for a death in my family. Sometimes people who are in between life and death appear in my dreams. (Years ago, my uncle would appear in my dreams when he was hospitalized. I woke up from one dream knowing that he would be gone soon, and he was). Now, it is my grandfather. He'll just appear, and I'll put my arm around him like I always do and we'll talk about whatever- just like in real life. I am comforted that I will see him in my dreams after he's gone, but it will be a tough transition nevertheless. Still, if this is a warning, I should be grateful for it and prepare myself as well as I can.
Yours,
Jane
Tuesday 16 November 2010
Fun with the I Ching
As many of you know, Diva and I have been known to consult the tarot (she's even studied it!), go to psychics, and have a lot of interest in things that are narrowly defined as occult. Our auras have been photographed numerous times, and we are both students of the chakras. Again, Diva started researching and collecting this information before I did, but by now we are more or less on the same page (though I am struggling to catch up to the volume of reading she's done on the topic!).
Between us, we have various decks of divination cards and other types of divination, from the Housewives' Tarot (which you really have to see to believe) to runes. I picked up an I Ching deck a few years ago and bring it out every now and again for guidance... but this time, it offered more comic relief than anything else.
First, I asked about the Jane and Diva Project. Like I said before, I keep getting ideas that I want to act on as far as writing about our experiences and insights and search for inner peace. The card I pulled is #34, The Power of the Great. It reads, "As long as you are acting in your best interests, nothing can go wrong. You will achieve great good fortune just so long as you are clear, wise, and determined. Great power comes to those who don't rely on luck but their own hard work and dedication to a goal or dream. You must have such a dream if you are to succeed. Heaven blesses those who strive hard, are sincere and honest, and work toward a common good for all. This is great power indeed."
I always liked the number 34, and it's funny that I still do, because when I was 34, my whole life as it was ended, and I was set adrift to rebuild everything. It wasn't so pretty at the time, but I'm glad I ended up where I'm at, despite the difficult times and angst it took to get here. I had to reinvent everything. Things got so bad that I was able to connect with my spirit guide and learn the basics of life that I'd never been taught. Life had been easy for me up to that point, although I didn't know it then. I understand the basics now. I get it. Thank goodness.
Back to the I Ching. The next card I pulled was to ask about Tim, a guy I dated for about 6 months who dropped off the radar a few weeks ago. He was polite but firm in his exit from my life, although he did make a few half-assed efforts to see me in the month of October. I pulled #21, Biting Through. Listen to this gem of wisdom: "As with gangrene, you must sever the limb to save the body. You must be ruthless in order to stop the infection." Lucky for me, the most ruthless I had to be was to meet with him and say, "I'll wait to hear from you." It's been crickets from him since then, but it's OK. Thanks, I Ching, for the laugh.
Sincerely,
Your Jane
PS to Amigo: I pulled a card for you. It is #25, Correctness. It reads, "Be spontaneous. Work forward with no preconceived attitudes. Adopt the wisdom of a small child and you will win through."
Diva here...
Oh, goodness!! And to think that my lifepath number in numerology is 34!!! The Power of Great? Well, no wonder. Now to work on the clear wise and determined part, but a girl can get easily distracted at times, especially when men and rum are involved in that mix! As for Jane's little affair with Mr. Timothy the Elder (I've just named him this as he accused Jane's friends of acting old when he, in fact, is that one that spends entire weekends doing nothing other than doddering in the garden and taking the dog for a walk), chop away, my dear Jane, chop away! Some people, as pleasant as they might be, are better off left to their own.
Between us, we have various decks of divination cards and other types of divination, from the Housewives' Tarot (which you really have to see to believe) to runes. I picked up an I Ching deck a few years ago and bring it out every now and again for guidance... but this time, it offered more comic relief than anything else.
First, I asked about the Jane and Diva Project. Like I said before, I keep getting ideas that I want to act on as far as writing about our experiences and insights and search for inner peace. The card I pulled is #34, The Power of the Great. It reads, "As long as you are acting in your best interests, nothing can go wrong. You will achieve great good fortune just so long as you are clear, wise, and determined. Great power comes to those who don't rely on luck but their own hard work and dedication to a goal or dream. You must have such a dream if you are to succeed. Heaven blesses those who strive hard, are sincere and honest, and work toward a common good for all. This is great power indeed."
I always liked the number 34, and it's funny that I still do, because when I was 34, my whole life as it was ended, and I was set adrift to rebuild everything. It wasn't so pretty at the time, but I'm glad I ended up where I'm at, despite the difficult times and angst it took to get here. I had to reinvent everything. Things got so bad that I was able to connect with my spirit guide and learn the basics of life that I'd never been taught. Life had been easy for me up to that point, although I didn't know it then. I understand the basics now. I get it. Thank goodness.
Back to the I Ching. The next card I pulled was to ask about Tim, a guy I dated for about 6 months who dropped off the radar a few weeks ago. He was polite but firm in his exit from my life, although he did make a few half-assed efforts to see me in the month of October. I pulled #21, Biting Through. Listen to this gem of wisdom: "As with gangrene, you must sever the limb to save the body. You must be ruthless in order to stop the infection." Lucky for me, the most ruthless I had to be was to meet with him and say, "I'll wait to hear from you." It's been crickets from him since then, but it's OK. Thanks, I Ching, for the laugh.
Sincerely,
Your Jane
PS to Amigo: I pulled a card for you. It is #25, Correctness. It reads, "Be spontaneous. Work forward with no preconceived attitudes. Adopt the wisdom of a small child and you will win through."
Diva here...
Oh, goodness!! And to think that my lifepath number in numerology is 34!!! The Power of Great? Well, no wonder. Now to work on the clear wise and determined part, but a girl can get easily distracted at times, especially when men and rum are involved in that mix! As for Jane's little affair with Mr. Timothy the Elder (I've just named him this as he accused Jane's friends of acting old when he, in fact, is that one that spends entire weekends doing nothing other than doddering in the garden and taking the dog for a walk), chop away, my dear Jane, chop away! Some people, as pleasant as they might be, are better off left to their own.
Yours,
D.
P.S. To future readers of my book: The guy I mentioned in this post is named neither Tim nor Luke, but I thought about naming him Luke in the book so I could give him the very meaningful nickname, Lukewarm. Hahahahahah. -Jane
P.S. To future readers of my book: The guy I mentioned in this post is named neither Tim nor Luke, but I thought about naming him Luke in the book so I could give him the very meaningful nickname, Lukewarm. Hahahahahah. -Jane
Monday 15 November 2010
Giving ourselves permission
In making this blog, choosing pen names, and waxing philosophical about our beliefs, feelings and experiences, I believe that Diva and I are giving ourselves permission to grow beyond the basic roles we play and the faces we show to others. I know I feel more comfortable with a persona that no family member or coworker can judge. It's just easier this way. It's just easier to embrace the part of me that loves rum and men, in that order, when it's my amigas and amigos who are entertained by declarations like this.
As the more prolific writer of the two, I have so many ideas I want to explore, but haven't had enough of an audience to stay motivated. Although Diva's name is Diva, I'm the one who grew up on the stage and loves the applause. You couldn't get me to go to a dance class week after week and come away with the knowledge and skill of a style of dance, but I'll go to rehearsals 3 times a week, give up all of my free time, and have no days off for 2 months just for the chance to run around a stage and take a bow at the end of the performance. I have to admit this- and I love to see my (Jane's) name in print too. I love the response, the interaction, the sharing of ideas. This is the reason Your Jane writes anything at all.
So it is with this update that we reveal the blog we started a few years ago, with a question: is there an audience for what we write? I mean, we think we're amusing as hell, but is this opinion shared by others?
Case in point:
Once upon a time, Jane was moving into Diva's apartment and came across a can opener that was identical to her own. She held it up and asked, "Is this yours, or have I unpacked mine already?"
"That one is mine," answered the Diva.
"I have one just like it," Jane said.... (and do you know what's coming next?) "The resemblance is just uncanny."
We'd like to use this kind of comedic timing and hilarity in a future project as well as this blog. I just have to build the momentum and get the creative juices flowing. Diva will come in to add the witty commentary after I dress up the bones of the stories. Given my schedule, this could take a while. However, since I have recently purchased a beautiful shimmering laptop (which I have named Elvis, as it is shiny and does amazing tricks), perhaps the words will flow easier as the days go by. There is no telling.
So please tune in to our blog, let us know what you think, and give us feedback if you want.
Adios, amigos.
Your Jane
As the more prolific writer of the two, I have so many ideas I want to explore, but haven't had enough of an audience to stay motivated. Although Diva's name is Diva, I'm the one who grew up on the stage and loves the applause. You couldn't get me to go to a dance class week after week and come away with the knowledge and skill of a style of dance, but I'll go to rehearsals 3 times a week, give up all of my free time, and have no days off for 2 months just for the chance to run around a stage and take a bow at the end of the performance. I have to admit this- and I love to see my (Jane's) name in print too. I love the response, the interaction, the sharing of ideas. This is the reason Your Jane writes anything at all.
So it is with this update that we reveal the blog we started a few years ago, with a question: is there an audience for what we write? I mean, we think we're amusing as hell, but is this opinion shared by others?
Case in point:
Once upon a time, Jane was moving into Diva's apartment and came across a can opener that was identical to her own. She held it up and asked, "Is this yours, or have I unpacked mine already?"
"That one is mine," answered the Diva.
"I have one just like it," Jane said.... (and do you know what's coming next?) "The resemblance is just uncanny."
We'd like to use this kind of comedic timing and hilarity in a future project as well as this blog. I just have to build the momentum and get the creative juices flowing. Diva will come in to add the witty commentary after I dress up the bones of the stories. Given my schedule, this could take a while. However, since I have recently purchased a beautiful shimmering laptop (which I have named Elvis, as it is shiny and does amazing tricks), perhaps the words will flow easier as the days go by. There is no telling.
So please tune in to our blog, let us know what you think, and give us feedback if you want.
Adios, amigos.
Your Jane
Saturday 10 July 2010
Going mobile
Things are picking up and I'm shaking the dust off of me. Like every July, I'll be hitting the road to seek new adventures with amigas, and I can't wait!
Beach, prepare yourself for the blinding whiteness of my thighs. Diva and I may be the only chicks with curves on South Beach, but whatever.
Oh happy days!
Beach, prepare yourself for the blinding whiteness of my thighs. Diva and I may be the only chicks with curves on South Beach, but whatever.
Oh happy days!
Sunday 17 January 2010
The List
Tonight I found a list of all the things I asked for last year at this time, when I was the new kid at my job and learning the ropes, and wondering what kind of life I could fashion for myself between Winterville and Midsize City where I'm employed. Aside from some money woes, which may get better because my annual review is coming and I may find a roommate this year, I am getting closer to attaining- or have already attained- some of the things on the list. They ranged from the basic- "good training at my new job, pleasant co-workers, etc." to the obvious but still not current in my life, such as "incredibly cool boyfriend."
I had to lose a lot in my life to understand what gratitude really is. Don't get me wrong- I know I acknowledged the awesomeness of the things and people in my life when livin' was easier- but acknowledging something's awesomeness and being grateful for it are two different things. It's the difference between saying thank you for something and saying something is cool. Saying thank you puts the universe on notice that you have noticed what it's given you and you are giving thanks for it... which invites more, new good things into your life (which, by the way, is awesome).
Thanksgiving should happen every day- and not just because I enjoy throwing dinner parties. (I always feel so stylish yet retro in my aprons).
It's funny how we get what we ask for, fixate on, and focus on.
Did I tell you about my dream about my hot spirit guide Mike that I woke up from the day after Thanksgiving? Oh man, it was great. He explained so much to me, and taught me so many things. I wrote a bunch of them down- I'll trot them out for you eventually. When I'm remembering what he said and writing it down, it sounds like I'm so spiritually aware, but really it's him. Every time I learn a lesson about a chakra, Mike is there to explain it to me. This last dream was about the heart chakra- so much to tell you and so much to remember and write down (hopefully). But very enlightened stuff, I know that much. That dude is some kind of smart.
In Gone with the Wind, Mammy liked to say, "Askin' ain't gettin'." On the other side of the spectrum, we have Ask and Ye Shall Receive. Which will it be? To quote a cheesy 80's song, only time will tell.
Have a great week, amigas!
Sincerely,
Your Jane
I had to lose a lot in my life to understand what gratitude really is. Don't get me wrong- I know I acknowledged the awesomeness of the things and people in my life when livin' was easier- but acknowledging something's awesomeness and being grateful for it are two different things. It's the difference between saying thank you for something and saying something is cool. Saying thank you puts the universe on notice that you have noticed what it's given you and you are giving thanks for it... which invites more, new good things into your life (which, by the way, is awesome).
Thanksgiving should happen every day- and not just because I enjoy throwing dinner parties. (I always feel so stylish yet retro in my aprons).
It's funny how we get what we ask for, fixate on, and focus on.
Did I tell you about my dream about my hot spirit guide Mike that I woke up from the day after Thanksgiving? Oh man, it was great. He explained so much to me, and taught me so many things. I wrote a bunch of them down- I'll trot them out for you eventually. When I'm remembering what he said and writing it down, it sounds like I'm so spiritually aware, but really it's him. Every time I learn a lesson about a chakra, Mike is there to explain it to me. This last dream was about the heart chakra- so much to tell you and so much to remember and write down (hopefully). But very enlightened stuff, I know that much. That dude is some kind of smart.
In Gone with the Wind, Mammy liked to say, "Askin' ain't gettin'." On the other side of the spectrum, we have Ask and Ye Shall Receive. Which will it be? To quote a cheesy 80's song, only time will tell.
Have a great week, amigas!
Sincerely,
Your Jane
Saturday 16 January 2010
Winterville, perhaps I've misjudged you
Here comes the real apology, Winterville. Seriously. The levee has broken sometime in the past 2 weeks. People here, some of whom I don't know very well, might help me find a roommate. I managed to get myself out on a pub crawl last night and ended up 1) having a great time, 2) dancing with cute guys, 3) staying out until after 2 in the morning (unprecedented), and 4) meeting really nice people. And to think that all it took was 2 years of patience, slow networking through my writer friend and a little bit of magic to make it all happen.
I've made an effort lately to be more positive and think more positive and say things that are more positive- and let me tell you, Winterville, these things are an effort. You know my car- it's my dream car, and I love it, but a troupe of tapdancing cats back home scratched up the hood on it so badly that the paint looks terrible. For a long time I've lamented that it's not the same car I drove off the lot nearly 5 years ago- but the other day I thought to myself, "Let's list what's right with this car instead," and came up with a huge list. Let's face it, Winterville, I drive my dream car- no matter what Time does with it.
Can this grand Winterville experiment go well for us? Can it lead me to be a more creative and productive writer, and a happier person? Can it make me a more confident adult who can solve my own problems? I've not been comfortable putting all of the blame on you, but for the first few years here, I couldn't find much to work with. This is the first time I've met creative types who work on a regular basis- the initial group I met here was mostly dudes who either stayed at home with kids or just didn't work. When it was just me who worked and had responsibilities and higher expenses, I truly did feel alone. Even my neighbor friends share their mortgages with someone, while I haven't.
Gotta go, Winterville. I will be seeing my original Winterville friend today who's made me feel normal in the midst of this crazy transition. She's always helped me feel OK with where I'm at even though several other signs would point in an opposite direction.
I am grateful, Winterville. I am grateful that I don't have to ditch you just to have a good conversation with someone, or even dance and drink. Although part of me has to say, it's about time.
Sincerely yours,
Jane
I've made an effort lately to be more positive and think more positive and say things that are more positive- and let me tell you, Winterville, these things are an effort. You know my car- it's my dream car, and I love it, but a troupe of tapdancing cats back home scratched up the hood on it so badly that the paint looks terrible. For a long time I've lamented that it's not the same car I drove off the lot nearly 5 years ago- but the other day I thought to myself, "Let's list what's right with this car instead," and came up with a huge list. Let's face it, Winterville, I drive my dream car- no matter what Time does with it.
Can this grand Winterville experiment go well for us? Can it lead me to be a more creative and productive writer, and a happier person? Can it make me a more confident adult who can solve my own problems? I've not been comfortable putting all of the blame on you, but for the first few years here, I couldn't find much to work with. This is the first time I've met creative types who work on a regular basis- the initial group I met here was mostly dudes who either stayed at home with kids or just didn't work. When it was just me who worked and had responsibilities and higher expenses, I truly did feel alone. Even my neighbor friends share their mortgages with someone, while I haven't.
Gotta go, Winterville. I will be seeing my original Winterville friend today who's made me feel normal in the midst of this crazy transition. She's always helped me feel OK with where I'm at even though several other signs would point in an opposite direction.
I am grateful, Winterville. I am grateful that I don't have to ditch you just to have a good conversation with someone, or even dance and drink. Although part of me has to say, it's about time.
Sincerely yours,
Jane
Saturday 2 January 2010
Sometimes you need to sleep in a new bed to dream a new dream
Hi amigas, Jane here.
No, I don't have a special friend who's allowing me sleepover privileges... I took the space heater into my writing room, cranked it up, and slept in the twin bed I bought a year ago to accommodate guests (well, one guest at a time). My birds, who winter here, were able to stay warmer too, and I didn't wake up surrounded by arctic air, as I do when I sleep in my regular bedroom on the north side of the house.
It was a nice way to start a year- to lie in a new bed, remember the last time I slept in a twin bed (I think it was when I lived with Diva, before we moved my bed in to her apartment, about 12 years ago) and the dreams I had... as a college freshman in the dorms, living in the Mountains, and living at Diva's Place. Who was I then? What did I hope for? Who did I wish would love me or love me back? I thought about all of those things and realized that I don't have to be so cynical and grown-up all the time. It's time to pull again from my memory bank and find some cheesy song lyrics to describe it... if only my brain were working yet.
All I can think of is Huey Lewis' "Do you believe in love?"
Yes. Of course I believe in love. The fun kind especially, which has eluded me for years!!! Since 2004, to be precise...
Diva and I talked about our ideas about the new year. We both had readings done; we both think maybe there are some romances on the agenda for your Jane and Diva. We are (understandably) both pretty excited about these prospects. Hmmm...
Maybe the dreams I can dream when I regress to a little bed, in a room full of sunshine and parakeets, will find me this year. Let's hope so.
Happy new year, amigas! May you be overpowered with good vibes and happy people this year!
No, I don't have a special friend who's allowing me sleepover privileges... I took the space heater into my writing room, cranked it up, and slept in the twin bed I bought a year ago to accommodate guests (well, one guest at a time). My birds, who winter here, were able to stay warmer too, and I didn't wake up surrounded by arctic air, as I do when I sleep in my regular bedroom on the north side of the house.
It was a nice way to start a year- to lie in a new bed, remember the last time I slept in a twin bed (I think it was when I lived with Diva, before we moved my bed in to her apartment, about 12 years ago) and the dreams I had... as a college freshman in the dorms, living in the Mountains, and living at Diva's Place. Who was I then? What did I hope for? Who did I wish would love me or love me back? I thought about all of those things and realized that I don't have to be so cynical and grown-up all the time. It's time to pull again from my memory bank and find some cheesy song lyrics to describe it... if only my brain were working yet.
All I can think of is Huey Lewis' "Do you believe in love?"
Yes. Of course I believe in love. The fun kind especially, which has eluded me for years!!! Since 2004, to be precise...
Diva and I talked about our ideas about the new year. We both had readings done; we both think maybe there are some romances on the agenda for your Jane and Diva. We are (understandably) both pretty excited about these prospects. Hmmm...
Maybe the dreams I can dream when I regress to a little bed, in a room full of sunshine and parakeets, will find me this year. Let's hope so.
Happy new year, amigas! May you be overpowered with good vibes and happy people this year!
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