Sunday, 17 January 2010

The List

Tonight I found a list of all the things I asked for last year at this time, when I was the new kid at my job and learning the ropes, and wondering what kind of life I could fashion for myself between Winterville and Midsize City where I'm employed. Aside from some money woes, which may get better because my annual review is coming and I may find a roommate this year, I am getting closer to attaining- or have already attained- some of the things on the list. They ranged from the basic- "good training at my new job, pleasant co-workers, etc." to the obvious but still not current in my life, such as "incredibly cool boyfriend."

I had to lose a lot in my life to understand what gratitude really is. Don't get me wrong- I know I acknowledged the awesomeness of the things and people in my life when livin' was easier- but acknowledging something's awesomeness and being grateful for it are two different things. It's the difference between saying thank you for something and saying something is cool. Saying thank you puts the universe on notice that you have noticed what it's given you and you are giving thanks for it... which invites more, new good things into your life (which, by the way, is awesome).

Thanksgiving should happen every day- and not just because I enjoy throwing dinner parties. (I always feel so stylish yet retro in my aprons).

It's funny how we get what we ask for, fixate on, and focus on.

Did I tell you about my dream about my hot spirit guide Mike that I woke up from the day after Thanksgiving? Oh man, it was great. He explained so much to me, and taught me so many things. I wrote a bunch of them down- I'll trot them out for you eventually. When I'm remembering what he said and writing it down, it sounds like I'm so spiritually aware, but really it's him. Every time I learn a lesson about a chakra, Mike is there to explain it to me. This last dream was about the heart chakra- so much to tell you and so much to remember and write down (hopefully). But very enlightened stuff, I know that much. That dude is some kind of smart.

In Gone with the Wind, Mammy liked to say, "Askin' ain't gettin'." On the other side of the spectrum, we have Ask and Ye Shall Receive. Which will it be? To quote a cheesy 80's song, only time will tell.

Have a great week, amigas!
Your Jane

Saturday, 16 January 2010

Winterville, perhaps I've misjudged you

Here comes the real apology, Winterville. Seriously. The levee has broken sometime in the past 2 weeks. People here, some of whom I don't know very well, might help me find a roommate. I managed to get myself out on a pub crawl last night and ended up 1) having a great time, 2) dancing with cute guys, 3) staying out until after 2 in the morning (unprecedented), and 4) meeting really nice people. And to think that all it took was 2 years of patience, slow networking through my writer friend and a little bit of magic to make it all happen.

I've made an effort lately to be more positive and think more positive and say things that are more positive- and let me tell you, Winterville, these things are an effort. You know my car- it's my dream car, and I love it, but a troupe of tapdancing cats back home scratched up the hood on it so badly that the paint looks terrible. For a long time I've lamented that it's not the same car I drove off the lot nearly 5 years ago- but the other day I thought to myself, "Let's list what's right with this car instead," and came up with a huge list. Let's face it, Winterville, I drive my dream car- no matter what Time does with it.

Can this grand Winterville experiment go well for us? Can it lead me to be a more creative and productive writer, and a happier person? Can it make me a more confident adult who can solve my own problems? I've not been comfortable putting all of the blame on you, but for the first few years here, I couldn't find much to work with. This is the first time I've met creative types who work on a regular basis- the initial group I met here was mostly dudes who either stayed at home with kids or just didn't work. When it was just me who worked and had responsibilities and higher expenses, I truly did feel alone. Even my neighbor friends share their mortgages with someone, while I haven't.

Gotta go, Winterville. I will be seeing my original Winterville friend today who's made me feel normal in the midst of this crazy transition. She's always helped me feel OK with where I'm at even though several other signs would point in an opposite direction.

I am grateful, Winterville. I am grateful that I don't have to ditch you just to have a good conversation with someone, or even dance and drink. Although part of me has to say, it's about time.

Sincerely yours,


Saturday, 2 January 2010

Sometimes you need to sleep in a new bed to dream a new dream

Hi amigas, Jane here.

No, I don't have a special friend who's allowing me sleepover privileges... I took the space heater into my writing room, cranked it up, and slept in the twin bed I bought a year ago to accommodate guests (well, one guest at a time). My birds, who winter here, were able to stay warmer too, and I didn't wake up surrounded by arctic air, as I do when I sleep in my regular bedroom on the north side of the house.

It was a nice way to start a year- to lie in a new bed, remember the last time I slept in a twin bed (I think it was when I lived with Diva, before we moved my bed in to her apartment, about 12 years ago) and the dreams I had... as a college freshman in the dorms, living in the Mountains, and living at Diva's Place. Who was I then? What did I hope for? Who did I wish would love me or love me back? I thought about all of those things and realized that I don't have to be so cynical and grown-up all the time. It's time to pull again from my memory bank and find some cheesy song lyrics to describe it... if only my brain were working yet.

All I can think of is Huey Lewis' "Do you believe in love?"

Yes. Of course I believe in love. The fun kind especially, which has eluded me for years!!! Since 2004, to be precise...

Diva and I talked about our ideas about the new year. We both had readings done; we both think maybe there are some romances on the agenda for your Jane and Diva. We are (understandably) both pretty excited about these prospects. Hmmm...

Maybe the dreams I can dream when I regress to a little bed, in a room full of sunshine and parakeets, will find me this year. Let's hope so.

Happy new year, amigas! May you be overpowered with good vibes and happy people this year!