On Expectations

The Buddha teaches us that Expectations lead to Disappointment (Suffering).

After much meditation, I have come to the conclusion that I will be OK regardless of what goes on with my work life because I have acquired wisdom from my previous jobs to know where I will belong as far as what type of work and in what type of environment. The key is to look around with eyes wide open and see things for what they are. After that, there are no big surprises.

I had expectations with the Iceberg. Sure, they were based on things he said and plans he wanted to make with me, but I don't think I really listened to what he was really saying. And my ego got in the way too. Here I'd told everyone that we were in love and he was the guy for me, and we were happy, and then he goes and acts like an ass. How humiliating, on an ego level. What? I wondered to myself. Now I have to go back and tell everyone that all that good stuff didn't happen? Or if it did, it's evaporated now so forget about it ever being that way?

Now I'm sorry, that's embarrassing. I can only imagine what it's like for people who've been married and had kids together to have to announce to their loved ones that they've been abandoned. Ugh. It makes my stuff look like a walk in the park.

Diva and I met a bus driver in Ireland named Maurice. He told us, "Expect nothing and you won't be disappointed." I always loved that quote. So Buddhist, from such a catholic country.

With the Dude, I am holding down expectations on every front. Some friends go wild when you tell them you're dating and assume all kinds of crazy things- start planning wedding stuff and knitting baby booties, that sort of thing. So I say stuff like, "It's not the romance of the century," because it isn't and "I don't see him that often," which is true, I haven't seen him since last Sunday I think. He works a lot.

With family, Big Brother asked me if Dude was coming to Thanksgiving dinner. I said no, he's going to be with his best friend and his friend's family. (I'd offered, but he already had plans). Still, the prospect of bringing a man around to the family has been a BIG Deal in their eyes. So holding down expectations is probably most important in that realm.

But it's my expectations that are the most important in this scenario. At first I wondered why didn't he call every day and do that stuff that I'd been conditioned to expect. I had to wait and see what happened. He did eventually call, and we do like each other, and things are going very slowly but you know what? It's the best course of action for him and me. We're both transplants, unsure of our futures, living in strange places 1 hour from each other, figuring out our lives and neither of us have really "dated" anyone else since early last year... so it's the pace that we've set. Every so often one of us will text the other, I'll write him a note to say call me when you have some free time, the phone will ring and if I'm available we hang out, if I'm not we're not. And whatever we do, it's always fun.

It's not the romance of the century, but it is pretty damn cool. And the less I think about it as far as the future and its potential and what will this person or that person think of him, the better it is for me.

Astral projection v. just a dream?

Whoa!!!

This is what I heard from a psychic when I described my dream from April 23 about Hot Mike and how I jumped off the cliff and then flew to the ground with my pink wings.

Whoa!!!!

I don't know much about it, but it seems to me more that it's the subconscious making things conscious through an experience that someone has in an altered state rather than consciousness actually leaving the body and going to another place. The term "out of body experience" doesn't make sense to me because my body was part of my experience. It felt emotions, felt like it was flying, moved, talked, thought. I couldn't have had that dream without my body (if that makes sense).

I needed to hear the message, "Just find somewhere soft to land" so much that it took an experience like that to make it stick.

Hmmmm...

Also I went to a handwriting analyst, who told me that as Jane, I like to tell stories, am bold and colorful and love attention. My Jane signature is really cool compared to my regular one. It makes sense.

I mean, this was supposed to be a secret blog, but Jane told all kinds of people about it. Why? Because Jane writes about such cool adventures and wants everyone to know about them!

Maybe I need to mosey back into writing creatively, but this time do it as Jane. For whatever reason, the writing I do when I identify with Jane, who is after all a woman who wears go-go boots, has awesome shiny hair, is a bit sassier than any other writing I could do.

It's something to think about...

I'm adding this second part because I met a guy who does dream interpretations. Here's what he said:

In your dream, as you overlook this cliff, you are looking at the possibility of a significant fall in your emotions. Your destiny looks good far off, but the way to get there is almost impossible, even to fathom.

Your spirit guide, as you describe him, then shows up. This is a good description, because in a true way, he does represent your male side of power and strength. It is your choice whether to listen. He wants you to take the plunge, which is not going to be easy. There will be much difficulty along the way.

You agree to go ahead with this drop, but you need him to go with you. In other words, you are willing to take chances in your life, but want that sense of power to accompany you on your way. So off you go!!! You are willing to take the chance of your life with help.

Once you take your chance in life (after it is done), you now begin to look at all of the possible outcomes of your actions - all the 'what-if's'. You need to know now that you have taken the most dangerous chance of your life. But it might be worth it.

You finally find yourself without someone to guide you any longer, but there is good news ahead for you. After taking the chance of your life, you have sprouted pink wings. This means that within your spirit, in that place of love in your heart chakra (pink), you have found the true answer to life's questions of you. If you love, no dilemma can keep you down or away from your truth. Love will be your true answer in your life. And in the end you will land safely in the beauty of all of nature and the universe. For with love, you no longer even need a spirit guide.

You will find happiness, joy and beauty inside your heart and in the love of others...you only have to let go of any fear...

What a great dream...