Oh yeah, duh!

I've had a lot of time to think lately. I've been home sick and had to postpone time with friends, which was a big huge bummer, but this time alone led me to a revelation that has occurred to so many people and been told to me so many times. It's just taken this long for the light bulb to go on.

It's about divine love. I was thinking about my relationships with family, friends, and significant others- how imperfect we are, how our actions are sometimes driven by insecurity and plain stupidity, how we are just plain ridiculous sometimes. People will look for something out there that is perfect, and the only thing that is perfect is divine. This is why people gravitate toward religion, I think.

La Diva has counseled me lately (via readings- you know how we're into that mystical stuff) and the advice this time was just like all the others- give your worries to Heaven. Stop worrying about stuff.

As one of my favorite Buddhist authors has said, though, you can't just tell yourself to do something; otherwise, ever depressed person on earth would simply say to themselves, "Be happy," and the demand for Zoloft would plummet. All would be well.

So giving up my worries- as much as I've wanted to do it- has been difficult. Based on a suggestion I received a few weeks ago, I am lighting candles every night. (This parallel to the church of my childhood has been noted- we would light a candle for someone in need and pray for them). Believe it or not, it has helped. Sometimes I just watch the flames for a while, and it's really relaxing.

Mortal love can be so limited. In several of my relationships, there's been this element of fear and some sort of power struggle tied up in it. As in, I have to make sure you understand the conditions of my love, and vice versa. I will be disrespectful to you if you disagree with me. I will insist that my likes are your likes and my opinions are your opinions; if not, love will be withheld.

That is why I think about divine love. Divine love doesn't set conditions; it doesn't judge you based on how well you adhere to the opinions and outlooks of the people in your family or social circle. It just is. It is a great comfort to me to think about this perfect thing. It takes the power plays and negative vibes of the world and puts them in their proper place.