See-sawing

Talking to Ms. Jane today, I realized that I have been in school for nearly as long as I worked as a professional corporate lackey. Good lord! Have I really needed that long to truly recover from that horror? Oh, apparently, I did.

But I will admit that this student life is starting to wear on me. While it's certainly nice to be able to have most of my days to myself when I'm not in class and being able to set my own schedule for the most part, it's also hard on a person to not have a certain rhythm to your day. While someone more disciplined than I would be able to follow a schedule they set for themselves, alas, I have not yet been able to do that yet.

So, even though I still have just over a year of classes left, I am excited at the prospect of working again. When I first arrived here, I worked part time but, after I returned back here after going home for a couple of months, I decided to concentrate on school and on myself and not have work to distract me. So, I have not had a job for nearly four months now. While I got much done (you wouldn't believe the bags of things I got rid of!!), I am now ready to dive back into some sort of work schedule, as well as receiving some monetary reward for that work! I feel that it will help me to get myself back in gear.

I've learned that a job that doesn't fit you can be seriously soul-damaging, but having a job you enjoy can have the opposite effect. Some of the jobs I've had that I've enjoyed the best are the ones in which I felt valued and appreciated. I was allowed to do my job without having someone looking over my shoulder, making sure I was doing my job. I was trusted to do my job correctly and if I needed some back-up, I could rely on my co-workers, and I reciprocated. We were a team, and each person was important. It never felt like being just another cog in the wheel, unappreciated and easily replaced.

Those jobs didn't exactly pay so well, nor were they easy all the time. However, the feeling of being part of a team, the feeling of being a valuable part of the business, made work that much more enjoyable. Unfortunately, I did leave those jobs because just having work I enjoyed was not enough to pay the rent or my bills (oh the unfortunate realities of life), but I remember that I had so much energy during those times. Instead of being a weight dragging me down, work was an essential part of my life, creating a certain rhythm in my life and that rhythm helped me.

So, I might still be in school, and I might have to rein in my enthusiasm for getting back to work at least until I find the right job for me, I am quite excited at the idea of working and earning a living again. sigh.