Now that I'm getting all mellowed out, I'm starting to realize why I was single so long.
Things weren't a match. I wanted things they couldn't give, and vice versa.
It's so simple, but took me years to see this.
It's amazing how easy it is to be with someone whose needs and wants match up with your own. Otherwise, it's just frustration and anger. Goodness knows we have enough anger in the world already, but to have me out there dating probably just made it worse.
One of my exes had some form of autism. I could have been a lot more compassionate about it if I'd known, but I didn't. I am not sure if he knew, in fact, but it all added up. He lacked social skills and seemed completely bewildered by emotions. He focused intently on video games and was more interested in them than his girlfriend. I wanted a boyfriend who'd hug me and hold my hand, but he was not comfortable with that. In my view at that time, he was a jerk. Cold, heartless jerk. Now I know that he followed a script to get someone to date him but then had no idea what to do, and felt lost. I remember how confused he would seem sometimes. I was so busy being hurt by his seemingly head-up-the-ass behavior that I didn't have perspective on his struggles. I'm not sorry that we're not together, but I wish I could have understood this better.
Another one was depressed. I'm not sure how he is these days. It could be his normal state of being. Again, I became impatient, wanting an affectionate, fun boyfriend instead of old grumpy. I was a clump of frustration leaving that relationship, but I did extend the olive branch later on and we are on friendly terms now.
I am starting to see this better as time goes on. Amazing how life is :)
-Jane
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